by: Staci Stallings
As a recap, general triggers are those things that when tripped affect us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (and socially). They are not a default in ONE area, they get us from every angle.
I’m sure you would agree that money is one such trigger.
Although I can’t cite specific research, I know that most marriage break-ups are over money and many relationship struggles are over money. In fact, I would be willing to bet that a lot of your own personal angst has to do with money. How to make it, how to keep it, how to spend it, or how much someone else spends of yours.
This topic is so vast that I won’t be able to hit on every scenario and how it might affect your defaults, but I would like to throw a few examples in the mix in case they are things you deal with.
Lack of Money — Many people struggle with what they deem as having a lack of money. Now I’m not here to quibble with what you feel is a lack of money problem in your life. I will tell you that I have friends who have climbed out from under enormous debt only to find they STILL feel a lack of money in their lives. One such friend came into a windfall of money at one point, enough that it almost felt like lack of money might never be a problem again.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the lottery winners who a year or six after their win, they are as poor or poorer than before winning. It’s that same idea. My friend used the money responsibly, but she did use the money. And it wasn’t very long that she told me one day that the money hadn’t solved everything like she had thought it would. Oh, it was nice, but there were still things that needed fixed and overall, she really didn’t feel that much differently than before.
Another friend of mine is quite well off, but whatever he has, it never seems to be “enough.” Underlying this is coming from a back ground where his family struggled with the lack of money issue, and even now, when money is not a problem, he still struggles as if it is.
Lack of money will attack us physically because maybe we don’t have the funds to go to the dentist or doctor. Maybe it causes adverse reactions in our body–chest pains, insomnia, etc.
Mentally lack of money can put our mind in a spiral of worry and doubt that is difficult to counter. In fact, we spend so much time in our default of worry that we might miss opportunities that arise that we could use to fix our lack of money. Emotionally, we might become short-tempered with others or withdrawn. Spiritually, we lose our inclination to be generous. ”If there’s not enough for me, how can I give to someone else?”
In short, lack of money often begets a default of lack in ourselves. I heard a lady say one day, “Never say ‘I’m broke’ because that is taking on that label unto yourself. YOU are NOT broke. You are temporarily out of cash!”
You see, triggers and defaults are worth examining because what they REALLY point to are the areas where you are stuck and need a new pattern of thinking to get you out of there and to a different place in life. If you feel lack of money is an issue, then change your default to looking for opportunities to get out of lack of money OR look at what you have and instead feel grateful for what you DO have rather than envy and worry over what you don’t have.
If Only… Oh, if only! If only!
How many times have I heard from my friends who are suffering money issues those two words. They sound so innocent, so innocuous. But they are not! Here’s why…
When you live in the land of “if only,” you are dreaming about a world that is in reality a fantasy. (Harsh, I know, but it’s time to wake up Sleeping Beauty!) I can say, “If only I could sell 5 books a day, then I would…” and believe that if I got there, life would be fabulous. But even if you get there, life is still life, and that can take the knees right out from under you.
“If only” does two things: #1 It gives me something to “do” (wish, hope) without actually DOING anything. #2 It keeps me stuck right where I am.
Do you have an “if only” default when it comes to money? Do you sit and plan what you would do “if only” such-and-such happened? If so, it’s time to either do something about if only or let that go and do something that can be done immediately in front of you.
I can whine and complain and “if only.” Or I can find work and get going. True, it might not be the work I WANT to do. It might not being my dream “if only” job, but doing will move you to a new place tomorrow. ”If only” will keep you rooted right where you are.
When… When is another mental/emotional/physical/spiritual default. ”When the kids get in school, then I’ll…” ”When the kids get out of school, then…” ”When I get a job, get out of school, make more money, buy the house, get a car, then…”
The problem is, “when” is much like “I’ll start my diet on Monday” and then “Monday” never really materializes. When is a good way to put off doing what you KNOW you need to be doing. It’s a deadly default.
Enough. Oh, enough is one of those defaults I stayed in for YEARS. Mine was not about money but about myself. I never felt like I was “enough,” so I pushed myself to do more, more, MORE while always feeling like I was less and less and less.
If “enough” is one of your defaults, understand that no matter how much you have, it will never be “enough” until you redefine “enough.” Being to look at what you have and be grateful for what you have. It may amaze you how quickly “enough” loses its hold. However, I will tell you that if you continue to make “enough” your goal, you will never get there, and you will feel it physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And that comes out in some very negative ways if you live it very long.
So today, start to change your defaults in these areas. You might be amazed how much life can change!